Its has been a while since I have posted stories or visual journals. I did actually do a lot of writing, but it was focused more on the food related stories. I had dedicated a lot of time to a kitchen. Alas, that came to an end, sadly. Instead of going into the reasons why (really negative), I’ll just share a somewhat unexpected result of my time and efforts. Here it is -
The way I was feeling has contributed to the lack of posting. It just didn’t make sense to share the photos and stories related to an endeavour I had to walk away from. Another apartment move had also disrupted things. So I decided to step back from the day to day activities and regroup. Early in that time I did read some astrological related things. Laugh if you may, I sometimes laugh at myself for reading as well.
Occasionally it can provide some insight. I don’t look to it for answers or guidance, but I must admit there are some things about bigger picture energies. One thing that I read was to focus energies on positive things for the mind. Oddly, what I was reading was also describing everything I was experiencing and going through - right down to the reason I walked away from that amazing kitchen experience. One note advised not to let the negative experience take over. That in fact giving up something so amazing was also allowing something even greater to come to me. Have to admit the coincidence to my circumstances was a little uncanny. I decided to acknowledge some of the guidance and focus my mind on healthy things.
Spring was coming and I decided to focus my mind and energies towards growing plants and learning more about them. I spent lots of hours watching educational videos and reading all sorts of things about growing plants from seeds. I had the time and curiosity. I figured it was something healthy for the mind, body, and soul. I wanted to get myself out of this emotional funk. I know full well that I should never have allowed someone to come between me and what I enjoyed doing, but unfortunately I needed to set a boundary.
Another reason for this focus was to steer my energy toward my larger and longer term goals. Maybe dedicating myself as I did to the kitchen was actually steering me away from where I should be going. Have to admit even writing and thinking about it still chokes me up. But this is turning into an exercise in faith as well. Believing and knowing that what lies on the other side of this experience and the associated emotions will be amazing. But that also requires thoughts, decisions, and actions. So that is what has been going on the last few months. I do apologize for the lack of writing and content. I had a lot written. Some of it was quite funny. But I sat there one day and just began deleting. It just didn’t make sense.
Today I put together a video to update my progress (from this previous post). And as I type away, my pet bee keeps hovering outside my window trying to get in. I was actually filming a companion video of him doing just that, only to watch him climb into a gap in a wood dresser. I realized he must be looking for a hive location. I stopped filming in order to help him back outside. It was quite ridiculous. Here is my video update as I get some of my seedling ready for life outside.
This essentially sums things up when it comes to me and plants -
Over the last while I have been wanting to get back to photographing my wanders and surroundings. Lately these are the types of things that I have been seeing - remember, trying to feed myself and digest positive things. Sometimes taking these ‘steps back’ from things allows for refocusing and discovering. While this first image is not a great photo, I had never seen a bee with a beak similar to a hummingbird. But it is an evolutionary trait required as part of its work to pollinate.